I have a confession. I did not daven Shacharit this morning; I did not daven yesterday either. The events leading up to this blip are two pronged. One, because of a habit that has caused me to avoid morning minyan. Two, because my kavannah is waning.
The evolution of what the Chazan is allowed to project out loud is a fascinating thing. As I tried concentrating during Ashrei this past Tuesday, I was unable to focus my thoughts: The Chazan was boisterously mumbling a jargon that- had it been played back to an audio 20x slower- might have sounded something like Hebrew instead of a broken car muffler in late February. I am not talking about a Chazan repeating the Amida nor the subsequent lines of a prayer; I am speaking about mumbling the entire morning service aloud with the staccato of a roller coaster track. I left feeling indignant rather than uplifted. How long has this phenomena been going on for? Why do congregants put up with this pray butchery? More importantly should I be avoiding G-d because of one person's inconsiderate habit?
A Realization: Am I using the Chazan as an unwarranted excuse to justify my kavannah shortfalls?
When did it happen that davening became a chore and became shorter and less frequent each morning?
I fear I am slowly becoming what I despise--an ingrate.
Hoping I will find some spiritual revelation when I return to campus after winter break,