Thursday, January 2, 2014

2014 Collegadox Resolutions

Collegadox: The funny existence of an Orthodox Jewish girl whose parents pushed for Stern College, while her heart desired Bar-Ilan University, yet was blackmailed to return to the States and is now giving kosher 101 on chewing cud and split hooves to her South Korean neighbor at secular college.

2014 New Years Resolutions:

1. Attempt spirituality- go to prayer services every morning trying not to distract the guys, while at the same time making the impression of, "hey, I could be your future wife."

2. Look at Hillel food optimistically- ignore how they arrange yesterday's wilted green beans in the center of the mashed potato stew at lunch and try your best not to cringe when Yehudah talks to you revealing the menacing bean stuck between his incisors.

3. Don't judge- make room for your two-months-now friend who had "such an inspirational and growth filled year" at Jerusalem's finest Jewish seminary, when she passes out on your bed and exposes an ominous kiwi-sized hickey across her throat.
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4. Understand terminology- learn quickly because things you consider innocent are really saturated with dirty double meanings which will unquestionably, be understood that way. You will never tell a guy "I want you to come," without turning a deep, rose shade again. Naivety at college is like a sheared lamb. Pink, Unsexy, and fun to point and laugh at. 

5. Say "No"- so it didn't really work out back in 2013 when I was dragged onto an El-Al flight, forced to leave my homeland... regardless, compliance to bend my moral, religious values is not an option. I'm stronger than lures of college debauchery. I was raised to be.

Sincerely, 
Celebrating Julius Cesar's Rosh Hashana (New Years)

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